Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Then and Now !

What is this - Then and Now ? Here I want to write about my childhood days in Then and my daughters related childhood happenings in Now. I always keep talking to my girls about this - when I was young, I used to do things like this and that. And so many talks have happened between us, that its time to blog them all.

Then - I had the freedom to play without being dampened by my school routines. Since we lived in houses (apartments were not there), the play area is the street in which we lived. And all the kids in the street joined together in evening, to play the same game everyday. I can even remember, that we've played the same run and catch for so many days. Then it was the seven pillars - that craze went on for so many days. Then it was the turn of Hopscotch, Kho Kho, Hide and Seek. What I want to tell is that we were not BORED of playing, as long as we played everyday.

Now - My girls are growing up in the apartment culture, where people from different parts of India live together. Its such a great thing as we get to know about various cultures. Even though there are enough children here to have 10 cricket teams, the surprising part is that these kids have formed groups among themselves - based upon whether their frequencies matching up. Huh ! And, I am more shocked by this line, - Ma, its boring - almost everyday. These children can't play the same game even for 2 times in a row. That's considered boring. So, in a two-hour playtime, how many games can they play without getting bored ? Their interest span, for anything, is very low.

Then - During play time, its only play, play, play. Of course, we also did our chit chat sessions, during break times. But never did any one of us brought the tape recorder or a radio out to play. First, it was so expensive to possess one, in those days. Second, the parents banned the kid to take any of the stuff out to play. And we were all more interested in playing together that we didn't even think about taking the gadgets to the road.

Now - Any kid that comes to play, is attached to an ipod, mp3 player or at least a mobile phone, through the earphone jack. How can these children run and play, with a music player singing with them ? What is the need for such display of gadgets, while playing ?

Then - I have learnt carnatic music - it is a must for all kids in the traditional South Indian families. Me and my sister used to go this class together. And, in my class, we were taught the basic lessons through hearsay. No notes, to begin with. So, whatever the teacher teaches us today, we've to recite it by-heart in the next class. We learnt every lesson with such focus and concentration, that after 30 years, I am still able to recite them from memory.

Now - I also sent my girls to the music class - as is the tradition. Unfortunately for me, my eldest daughter decided that singing is not for her, at a very early age. And nothing I did, could make her go to the music class. The younger one has a good voice and started singing very well. When we shifted to our new home, the classes stopped just like that. Now, she just can't remember the basic music lessons which she learned just 4 years back. Where is the focus of these children gone ? The filmi songs stay in mind, as the girls listens to it everyday - thanks to MTV, V or the various music players.

Then - There was no concept of maids in my home. So, me and my sister were allotted house hold chores from the beginning and it became an inherent part of my life. Before leaving home for school, I'll have to sweep or mop the house and my sister will do other one. And we've to wash our clothes by ourselves, dry them in the terrace, before leaving to school. My mother will help us only in washing our uniforms. Sorry, no electronic help too in our house, then.

Now - I have a maid to clean the house and a washing machine to wash clothes. But, simple tasks like drying the clothes, putting the clothes in the laundry basket, setting the table for lunch / dinner and then cleaning the table, have to be given as instructions everyday. Today's children are lost in their own world, that all these things are taken for granted - ma will do it attitude.

Then - The world was a better place, then, for my parents to leave me unattended while playing on the streets. Me and my sister used to walk to school, everyday and later on took up the responsibilities of taking my brother and cousins. Even though we stayed quite near to the Marina beach, it'll take us about 30 mins to reach the beach. And we used to enjoy the walk so much that those were the quality family times, I remember very well. I started travelling by the bus, at an age of 15. Going to places on my own, was very exciting for me and it was easy for my parents to take that decision - as the world was much better to live in.

Now - My children are so used to travelling in the bike / car / auto, that the thought of a short distance of walk would wear them down. And the idea of allowing my girls to go on their own is scary to me, first. The world is in such a state now, that the girls better be escorted.

Now, I feel, that I've complained quite a lot about the NOW kids. But, that's not the intention and should not be taken like that. Its just facts told in the times of my childhood and that of my girls. Actually, today's kids are more smarter, have more exposure to various things (both good and bad - which makes our job more difficult) and can decide better for themselves.

So, just like our children, we parents are in the process of learning as everyday goes by. I just remember this at the junction to end my blog - By the time a man understands that his father had been RIGHT all the time (that happens when he becomes a father), there is his son who thinks that his father knows NOTHING. I think this is the life cycle.

Edited to add :

The way my thoughts are spinning in my head after I published the post, I think there'll be a Then and Now - Part II, very soon.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Are you happy in your Marriage ?

Of late, my ears are buzzing with the news that couples (I personally know some of them) are not happy in their marriages. My heart goes out to those people who are unable to find happiness in their wedded life. It is not because that they are not in love, but they have not built their love on strong family grounds.

I've seen a few couples, wherein the wife thinks her husband is only for her and their children. It has always been - Me, My husband and My children. I am asking those ladies - "Did your man jump from the sky above onto your lap ?" That man of yours is a son first before he became your husband. Please give respect to your mother-in-law, for the one great fact that she has made a wonderful man and given him to you. Just think of this possibility too - What if your son leaves you for the new wife he has got ? (Futuristic thinking)

It is not always the two of you, in the relationship called marriage. The circle of relatives, who surround your husband and your rapport with them is crucially important. Whenever your husband's brother /sister appreciates you or the work you've done, have you noticed your husband's face glow with pride ? Now, this man of yours will do anything for you. Wonderful, isn't it ?

The women of this world have a wonderful nature - to break or make a home. How true ! Till you understand the person with whom you're going to live with, till you understand the family that surrounds your man, please learn to LET GO. By LET GO, I don't mean that you should be silently taking the abuses (if any). My point is that do not be under emotional stress to misunderstand the relations. Once you get to know the people around your husband, the relationship is on more stronger grounds to be shaken by silly incidents and outbursts. On familiar grounds now, your family members will LET GO for your sake. Isn't that what you want ?

From my point of view, women sponge themselves into any situation and are great at adapting themselves to new environments. Otherwise, why would a woman leave her parents home and start living in a new home after marriage ? We, women, are better in this self-adaptation process. We can change from home to working environments and back home in a jiffy. We hold top posts in companies as efficient managers. Why not be the best loved manager in our own homes ?

Marriages are great institutions of life. Let us build a wonderful home surrounded by our love for our family. The secret ingredient for a loving life is - always add a pinch of your priceless love every time you cook a meal at home. That way, your loved ones always come home for the loving meal. And needless to say, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

You have a WIN-WIN situation, dear women. Make use of it to the maximum and my warm wishes for a blissful married life.

A Hundred Questions about me !

I am at this junction in my life where I don't even think about my daughter's question paper. And here comes 100 questions charging at me for self - analysis.
Was tagged by Nancy into doing this appraisal of my soul.

ABOUT U:
1. What's your name? Uma
2. Nicknames? Umiya (by my best friend in school), Ums, Upma (particularly used to irritate me, but still used a lot.)
4. Zodiac sign ? Virgo
5. Male or female or transgendered ? Female
6. Elementary? Children's Garden School, Chennai
7. Schools ? M E I Children's School, Chennai (Nursery)
8. Colleges ? Govt Polytechnic for Women, Chennai (if polytechnics can be catalogued under colleges)
9. Height ? 5'4”
10. Hair color ? Used to be black, now has acquired a shade of brown, due to henna.
11. Long or short ? Keeping it short - easy to maintain
12. Do you have a crush on someone? ? Right now, nobody (weep, weep)
13: Ever been in love? Very much, with my husband and so much with my daughters.
14. Piercings ? Ears, yes. Nose - had it for 10 years and one fine day said goodbye to nose ring.
15. Tattoos ? Hate them on me and on others too.
16. Righty or lefty ? Generally right handed. Due to tennis elbow in my right hand, I am training myself to be a lefty, at least for doing strenuous jobs.

FIRSTS :
17. First piercing ? My ears were pierced when I was 1 year old, without my permission.
18. First best friends ? Sharada, Hamsini, Raji, Sharad - when I was 7 or 8 years old.
19. First sport you joined? Running race - I used to win all the races in school till I reached my puberty.
20. First pet ? Last year, had a pup, Brownie for only 3 months and then gave it away.
21. First vacation ? New Delhi - Its all hearsay, my parents took me there at an age, of which I cant recall anything. First vacation, which I can remember is to Ahmedabad, my mama used to stay there.
22. First concert ? Been a part, in the school team.
23. First crush ? Ravi Shastri, when I was in college. That was the time he won an Audi and all the girls in my class were droooooling on him.
24. Eating ? Anything, except sweets / ice creams / chocolates. Love to eat chips - anytime.
25. Drinking ? Would love to drink these anytime - water, tea, fresh juice (lemonades are my favs).
26. I'm about to ? eat lunch with my girls.
27. Listening to ? Tumse hi din hota hai - from jab we met - that's my fav for the current season.
LASTS:
28. Last beverage ? Tea
29. Last phone call ? 30 mins back
30. Last text message ? from my cousin, wishing my daughter on her bday.
31. Last song you listened to ? aaogi jab tum ho saajna - from jab we met again. i love this song.
32. Last time you cried ? I cry everytime I watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai and it came day before yday (may be the 17th time).
HAVE YOU EVER:
33. Dated someone twice ? Dating --- Totally banned in my house.
34. Been cheated on? ? I don't think so - as I try to convince myself that it is all a misunderstanding.
35. Kissed someone & regretted it? ? Yeah, my hubby, Srini - kissed him just after he had a paan (its the strong one) and very much regretted it.
36. Lost someone special? ? My grandfather.
37. Been depressed?? Sometimes, but try hard to come out of it.
38. Been drunk and threw up? ? Threw up - No. Drunk - yes, on our honeymoon - became totally drunk for one small glass of wine. Srini got so worried since I was laughing silly.
HAVE YOU:
39. Made new friends ? Yeah, very special ones too.
40. Fallen out of love ? Never fallen in - to fall out.
41. Laughed until you cried ? Every time I watch Vivek's comedy (Vivek is a famous comedian in the Tamil movies)
42. Met someone who changed you ? My mother-in-law. Changed me for the better.
43. Found out who your true friends were ? Yeah, in the most hard way possible.
44. Found out someone was talking about you ? Of course, I can sense that immediately.
45. Kissed anyone on your friend's list ? No, no, no.
46. Made the first Move ? Mmmmmm...... No.
47. Do you have any pets ? None
48. Do you want to change your name ? Of course, not.
49. What did you do for your last birthday ? Had an enjoyable family dinner in a great restaurant. Srini had arranged for cake, flowers. What else can a woman ask for ?
50. What time did you wake up today – 5.30am. Have to get the girls ready for school as their bus is at 6.45am.
51. What were you doing at midnight last night? Blissfully in sleep.
52. Name something you CANNOT wait for ? I cannot wait for a get-together with my school mates.
53. Last time you saw your father ? Feb 2009
54. What is the one thing you wish you could change about your life ? Wish that I had gone on to finish my graduation.
55. Most visited webpage ? My Yahoo Mail - I love to keep in touch.
56.Bribed someone? ? Personally, no.
57.Played with dolphins? ? Went for a dolphin show, but after we got seated, the show got cancelled.
YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? ? Not at this stage in my life. Now, even a small change in my menstrual cycle can create havoc in my life.
59. Want to get married ? ? Yeah, me and Srini relive our wedding ceremony on our anniversary every year.
60. Careers in mind? ? Making a career for my girls.
61. Settling in a Big Villa? ? Yeah and that day, we'll have a dog too.
62. Day or night? ? Nighty night, sleepy head.
63. What day is tomorrow? ? Tuesday.
64. Challenges? ? Physical ones - no. Mental ones - yeah, I don't mind trying.
65. Drive with windows up or down? ? Down, of course.
66. Scared of Death? ? Yes.
67. Cook or Clean? ? Cooking all the way, for me.
68. Lips or eyes ? ????????
69. Hugs or kisses ? Both are meant only for my family.
70. Shorter or taller ? Taller
71. Older or Younger ? A lot younger.
72. Romantic or spontaneous ? Spontaneously romantic.
73. Nice stomach or nice arms ? If u work towards a nice stomach, you'll automatically have nice arms. Howzaat ?
74. Sensitive or loud ? Very sensitive.
75. Hook-up or relationship ? Hook ups are not in my book.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant ? Mmmmmm very hesitant.
HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger ? Never even thought about it.
79. Lost glasses/contacts ? I don't wear glasses / contacts.
80. Found money on the road ? Wish I had.
81. Sex on first date ? When there's no date, where's the sex ?
82. Broken someone's heart ? Didn't do it deliberately.
83. Had your own heart broken ? Was too strong to let it break.
84. Held a snake? ? Awwww Nooooo. Just cant stand reptiles.
85. Been arrested ? Me ??
86. Turned someone down ? Yes
87. Cried when someone died ? When my grandfather died, I cried a lot.
88. Liked a friend that is a girl/boy? ? Yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself ? I do.
90. Miracles ? Absolutely.
91. Love at first sight ? It didn't happen for me. But I was loved at first sight by my sweet hubby.
92. Heaven ? I am on a good deed mission, to reach there finally.
93. Santa Clause ? A wonderful character for a make believe fantasy world.
94. Peace in this lifetime ? Am trying very hard for it.
95. Kissing on the first date? ? Sorry, very boring life, indeed.
96. Angels ? Are all around us, trying to help us when we are in trouble.
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? ? My sister-in-law in US.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time in the past? ? Yeah - girl friends.
99. You will die Young ? Already old, where to die young ?
100. You will end with the one you love and learn to love the one you are with – Its always better to love the one you are with.

Atlast, they are over. And here, I tag
Bins
Ram
roopscoop

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Waking up with Alarms !

Trrrnnnng ! Trrrnnngg ! Ahhh ! What is that noise ? Who is disturbing my sleep ?
I hate these alarms. This was me when I was studying for board exams and this is still me when I try to get up and send my daughters to school. I love to switch off the alarm and go back to sleep and continue with my dream. Ah ! Such wonderful dreams come only in the early morning hours, which I've to cut short to get up.

When I was in school, every night before going to bed, my standard dialogue to my mom will be "Ma, please wake me up early. I've got to read". She'll give me a dirty look and walk off. I know this look, as I get it everyday. Early morning, when my mom starts waking me up, I'll just open my eyes a little and tell "5 mins, I'll be up". And then I'll cuddle nicely with a pillow and close my eyes to continue my dream. My mom will come again after 5 mins and this time she'll have a very stern voice. I'll actually sit up and again fall back on the bed. My mom walking from the kitchen to the bedroom and me changing poses will continue for another half an hour. To put an end to this situation, my mom will just get a glass of water and pour it on my face. Alas, dreams shattered, sleep gone and I am totally awake. As this situation was a regular everyday, both my mom and me got used to it, kind of. Now, you understood why she gave me a dirty look.

Actually, the problem arised because of my sister. This sister of mine will get up on her own in the ungodly hour of 3am to study. While I can study late into the night, I can never do this morning studies. I try and study during regular days so that I dont need to keep awake just to study. Why miss out on the wonderful dream-full sleep ?

And now, when I dont have anything to study, I've to get up early to the ringtones of the mobile alarm, so that my daughters get ready for school in time.

What a wonderful invention is the SNOOZE option in the alarms of mobile phones. It's just like what I did, when I was young. Those days, it was my mom who used to snooze and call me every 5 mins. Now it is the mobile, which has taken over from my mom. I set the time in my mobile 30 mins fast. When the alarm rings, it is actually 30 mins in advance to the actual time. It is a great delight now, to keep snoozing the mobile for the next 30 mins and enjoy some more sleep, the way I wanted.

The holidays are the time when the mobile alarm is totally off, but I've to live with the real life alarms - like my daughter, who gets up at 5.30am even during days when she has off.

Now a days, as political parties in India follow the footsteps of Obama, they are becoming more gadget oriented. I keep getting election messages in the middle of the night or in the early morning hours. I am totally against these smses in the night times.

Finally, as the exams are getting over, I am just about to get a break from the alarms and blissfully sleep till the sun rises. Here's to beautiful dreams and great sleeping time to myself !